My mother was the fourth child with three older sisters and a younger brother. She is the epitome of femininity, carrying an air of elegance that has remained with her well into old age. Despite her gentle demeanour, she possess an inner strength that allows her to face any situation without retreating in fear. With qualities such as empathy, kindness and a deep desire to help others, she often goes to the point of placing others’ needs above her own.
Her younger years were marked by defenceless situations and unstable environments, which cultivated a strong survival instinct within her and with it, a deep-rooted distrust of others. Shaped by an unhappy past and a painful marriage to a promiscuous and irresponsible husband, she developed a melancholic temperament. Life was far from easy. Over the years, the weight of it led her into depression; she became despondent and suicidal, constantly fighting an unseen battle within. She knew no peace or joy until she encountered Jesus in her later years.
At the age of 22, my mother gave birth to me – her first born, and subsequently three more daughters. She loved us deeply, setting aside her own needs and desires for our sake. At the same time, she carried high expectations of her eldest child to excel in her studies and to behave impeccably at all times. Being the oldest, I was also to shoulder responsibility for my sisters, especially if any misfortune should occur. Failing to meet her expectations will result in punishment – some were fair but others felt unjustified. Though these moments remain vivid in my memory, etched by the emotions tied to them, I carry no ill feelings toward her. While she loved immensely, she also punished severely.
Despite the harsh disciplinary actions, I loved my mother deeply. Whenever she was sad, my sisters and I would do anything just to bring a smile to her face because she was precious to us. She was the only parent we grew up with, as our father was rarely around. Thus, she became our pillar of strength and encouragement. One of my sweetest memories was when I overheard my mother telling someone, “The child I loved most is the one I caned most.” That single statement brought instant emotional healing and overwhelming joy. That night I went to bed with a wide smile, feeling on top of the world. Even the beatings and punishments became bearable, for I felt an overwhelming love that transcended the pain for I was LOVED the most!
The belief that abused children are likely to become abusive parents doesn’t apply to everyone – certainly not to me. Praise the Lord the impact my mother had on me was quite the opposite. It awakened in me a deep awareness on how I should raise my own children – not through fear or violence, but by building a strong bond rooted in respect and trust. I believe my mother did the best she could with what she knew at that time. Over the years, our bond became stronger, despite the times we’ve disappointed each other. Today, she is also my confidante and prayer partner.
Thanks be to God that my mother eventually found her identity in Jesus. In her brokenness, she surrendered her life to Him, where He restored and redeemed her, turning her life into a beautiful testament to His grace. Truly, the Lord is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalms 34:18). In His loving kindness, He turned her ashes into beauty (Isaiah 61:3), and showered her with grace upon grace (John 1:16).
In conclusion, my mother had a profound influence on my life. As I navigate through adulthood, I carry with me the memories we shared and the lessons she imparted, and grateful for her love that continues to light my way. I consider my past as “A Blessing in Disguise” – a living reminder of Romans 8:28 (ESV) – And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. I may not have known God then, but He knew me and had a plan – a plan to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11).
Thank you, Abba Father, that my past, though broken, has become the very platform You are using to build and equip me to fulfill Your purpose, all for Your glory. I AM WHO I AM BECAUSE OF YOU.
Dolly's Sharing 